> LIVING WITH A JUNK MAIL 'JUNKIE'
>
>
> I had a Mother once, now I cannot recognise her. I know I have lost her
> and at 87 years of age, I don't think I will ever be able to win her back.
> What turns a kind, smart, generous elderly lady into an aggressive,
> spiteful and lonely individual, whose only goal in life is looking forward
> to the day when she can prove everyone wrong? Addiction can be a terrible
> thing for any person to bear, but sadly the addicted do not always
> recognise their problem and it is left to the family to try and help them
> in any way they can.
>
>
>
> My Mother started to open the dreaded junk mail which was put through her
> letter box, tentatively at first but with the increasing excitement of
> someone who thinks they may have won a lot of money. She opened these
> letters and without really reading them, sent off the odd cheque for £10,
> £15 etc, so she could claim her winnings. At first it wasn't a regular
> thing, just a bit of fun! Although we lived close by and saw her
> regularly, she admitted to feeling lonely. She was always a little
> reserved and didn't make close friends easily. However, over a few years
> the 'bit of fun' got completely out of hand. I had, by this time, because
> of work commitments, moved to the South West of England with my husband.
>
> When it looked as though she would be unable to keep up with the running
> costs of her luxury bungalow (because of the increase in her spending on
> 'competitions') and because my Mother was getting older, we suggested that
> it might be a good idea if she came to live near us. As house prices were
> spiralling out of control at that time, we all decided to buy a large 5
> bedroomed house which could be converted to give her suitable luxury self
> contained accommodation. We also had a conservatory built thinking that
> she would enjoy using it during the day as it overlooked the garden.
>
> My Mother had always had a morbid dread of going into a nursing home and
> because I don't go out to work, I thought I would be able to look after
> her as she got older and possibly infirm. We also thought that, as we
> have three children who are regular visitors, and we have friends to stay
> regularly she would enjoy seeing her grandchildren more often and also be
> able to interact with our guests. We hoped that having the extra company
> would enable us to wean her off her increasing obsession with the junk
> mail. How wrong we were! Not only did she continue to send off her
> cheques, but now she had money in the bank, it just added to her
> addiction.
>
> At one point we were receiving on average about 40 letters a day! Bearing
> in mind that each one was by this time being opened and read, her
> excitement at the thought of winning just got to fever pitch. She was
> spending over £3,000 per month and naturally her savings and what she had
> got in the bank from the sale of her house, just dwindled rapidly. (Over
> £40,000 in just one year!!)
>
>
>
> We then started to get the phone calls, and because she is quite deaf I
> would be summoned to listen in and obey instructions. Needless to say,
> the £3,000, promised by the Las Vagas Gaming Board never
> materialised - not least because she was asked to send a £40,000 money
> order first. Although it was quite obvious to me that this was a scam,
> she was convinced that she needed to get the money from 'somewhere' to
> enable her to claim her prize. On the pretence of telling these people we
> would have to acquire a loan to enable us to send them the required
> amount, I then went on the internet to research this scam. I showed her a
> letter from the real Las Vagas Gaming Board setting out the exact details
> of what we had experienced and saying on no account was anyone to send
> money to these people. When they telephoned later to give me details of
> where the money should be sent, I called them crooks and put the phone
> down. Her comment to me then was "Well, that's that then, you've!
> spoiled any chance I might have had now"!
>
> My family and myself have faced seven years of absolute hell. She started
> to ask us for money and got very abusive when we refused, she had to have
> all her overdraft fees converted to a loan which she had to pay off each
> month (by this time her cheque book had been stopped), She started to
> build up accounts with companies who would allow it, all at a very high
> rate of interest if the account wasn't paid up at the end of the month.
> Consequently it got to the stage where she was living on toast as she
> spent ALL her pension on sending postal orders to these 'crooks'. She
> ordered so many items from catalogues, all promising her a big win, that
> we ended up with unopened boxes all over the house. She wasn't interested
> in the contents, just the possibility of being entered into a 'draw'.
>
> It is the most heartbreaking thing to watch someone you love become so
> obsessed, it is even more heartbreaking to feel absolutely helpless.
> No-one could help her or us. I visited her doctor, her bank manager, rung
> up so many agencies I have lost count and no-one could offer assistance.
> My local MP and a letter from a Minister at the Department of Trade and
> Industry, although sympathetic offered no practical help. The Data
> Protection Act forbids me to intercept her mail, make sure that she does
> not become overdrawn at the bank (which she started to do on a large scale
> once her funds had run out), put a stop on her telephone so that she could
> not dial all the 0900 calls which she had started to do and which, when
> her telephone bill came, was unable to pay. She could not be visited by
> any of the Gamblers' Anonymous or other agencies unless she agreed that
> she had a problem. Unless she was certified under the Mental Health Act,
> no-one could help.


> We boxed the letters she was hording.

> After a long time of trying to convince the doctor that something must be
> wrong with her, she at long last got to see a psychiatrist, who diagnosed
> a number of problems, pathological gambling being one of them. However,
> because she knew who the Queen was and what day of the week it was, she
> was pronounced not to be suffering from Altzheimer's and therefore
> completely able to deal with her day to day life on her own!!
>
> In all this time, she has never 'won' more that a few pounds on some far
> flung lottery game. The 'certain win', which was promised and never
> materialised was always blamed on herself not getting the letters back on
> time or 'being out when the limousine called to hand the cheque over'.
> She got to the stage when the only time she would go out, would be to send
> off her next lot of cheques and walked quite some way two or even three
> every times every day, to post her important letters, the rest of her time
> she spent hunched over mountains of mail.
>
> Although I showed her on the computer how mail merges work, she was still
> convinced that the Managing Director or 'so called Psychic' was sitting
> down at his/her desk with their fountain pen and writing to her
> personally. It was so sad to hear her referring to these people as her
> 'friends'. No amount of reasoning with her was possible and in the end
> she became so aggressive and obstructive that she alienated all her family
> and when anyone came to visit they spent their time trying to avoid her.
>
> After three years of this we at last got some help from Social Services
> and our Local Housing Department, who have found her a warden controlled
> bungalow. We helped her move and with her permission, sold some of her
> things so she could pay off all her debts. This gave her a clean slate so
> that she could eat properly and look after herself. I promised to visit
> her at least once a week to take her to the bank and to help her with her
> shopping etc. However, once her debts had all been paid off the first
> thing I found her doing was ordering another cheque book from the bank and
> just itching to start everything again. Because her bank loan had been
> paid off and regardless of her history, she was to be allowed to start
> running up debts again and although I was horrified and appalled at the
> prospect of it all starting again, there was nothing the Manager could do
> as long as she had money (only her pension) in her bank.
>
> I have at last been given permission by the Pension Agency to control her
> finances so at least all her bills are now being paid and she is getting
> food on a regular basis.
>
> If there can be no hope of getting help from agencies, then isn't it about
> time that someone, somewhere stopped this intrusion on our lives? This
> mail is sent, unsolicited through our letterboxes in the hope that it will
> be answered by unsuspecting, vulnerable and lonely people. Once they have
> answered one letter, their name is then sold onto other agencies who then
> start inundating them with more and more junk mail. We have been told
> that there is a MUGS' LIST, ie. a list of people most likely to be drawn
> into these dreadful scams. The people who instigate this mail are no
> more than thieves, they have no intention of giving out any winnings and
> are just intent on stealing money and lives from the people who can least
> afford it. As with all gambling habits, the more you drink, bet on the
> horses, take drugs etc, the more you need to do it to enable you to carry
> on with life. There are laws against drinking and drugs and even gambling
> is restricted to certain hours of the
> day, but letters to your own home just allow people to have their lives
> taken over by the promise that one day they will be rich. As with all
> gambling habits, they believe that if only this next one wins their lives
> will be wonderful, they will be able to pay off all their debts etc, etc,
> etc. We all know that this never happens.
>
> I hope if anyone reading this has been in a similar position, they may
> benefit from the one thing I have learned by this terrible episode in my
> life. There comes a time when you have to let go. She nearly destroyed my
> family and I have to look forward with them now and accept that I have
> lost my Mother for ever. If I showed my mother this article, she would
> 'tut' and say "some people are real fools aren't they'.
>
> Kathy Barber
> 16.09.08



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